VSNL (Vistasucks' SUNDAY NIGHT LIVE)

[Taylor]

:wink:

[Taylor]

Randomly funny? Or just randomly retarded?

[Taylor]

An 11 Year Old's Opinion On Why I'm Single
Today, I did a visit with one my kids who I haven't done any visits with for 3 weeks. This one is an 11 year old boy, let's call him Atrium. I pick Atrium up at his school, he gets in the car, and almost the first thing he says to me is: "So did you get a girlfriend since our last visit?"

It's been 3 weeks, kid, cut me a break!

"No," I reply. "No I didn't."

"Why not?"

"Um..."

"You gotta have the guts, man, you gotta have the guts to do it!"

I consider this for a moment. "Yeah, true, but you also have to meet a girl you're interested in."

He looks at me like I've just said the stupidest thing ever said by anyone ever. "Juuuust pick one!" he says, exhasperated. "Don't be so picky! Jeez!"

This is more or less the same thing I've been hearing from all my kids. They can't seem to fathom why any adult would not be married or at least have a girlfriend.

Which leads me to wonder--am I overcomplicating things? Or are they just a bunch of stupid kids?



Damn kids these days...damn kids and their relationship advice..

[Taylor]

Cute or Creepy: Results Are In!
Regarding my placing of a post-it note on the scooter that's always parked near my apartment back door, a note of admiration for the scooter's somewhat attractive rider, I asked the audience:
Cute or Creepy? Charming or alarming?

The results are in:

Cute: 16
Creepy: 3
Both: 5

Hot damn! It looks like Isaac wins!

So, we had three seperate camps of opinion here.

The largest group, a bunch of bright, glowing free-spirits who appreciate the beauty and spontanaety of life and love, thought this note idea was nothing but sweet. Comments like "Awwww" and "OMG soooo cute!!" abounded. I love you people, what a team of winners.

Ahem.

The secondgroup--if you can call three bitter, paranoid, cold-hearted shrews with no sense of fun a "group"--stated that this note thing was way hella creepy. The general thought here was that if someone has "noticed" you once or twice walking into your place of work, and they thought you were attractive, they are the skeeziest of perverts, and the fact that they left you a funny post-it note on your trashed old moped means they're probably waiting in the alley to rape you. Well maybe they are, Group 2, how about that? Maybe you deserve--

Ahem.

I respect your opinion on this issue.

The third group has the same cynical outlook as Group 2, but with a little ray of hope. Their general consensus was: "Cute...but with creepy undertones." They see the humor and potential charm in the note, but are haunted by the possibility that the person who left the note is an old fat bald man. This was specified in almost every vote--that the man might possibly be overweight or suffering from a genetic malady that affects over 50% of men in America. Either of these factors would render the note Creepy.

So, with this group, the identity of the sender was key, and the mystery of it was a source of fear, not intrigue. If they were Scooter Girl, when they approached Scooter and saw the note, their first thought would not be "Oh! Some passerby thinks I am attractive, and has left me a light-hearted note to tell me so! How delightful!" Their first thought would be "Hmm, I wonder if the guy who left this note is as attractive as I am--because if not, that would be really, really, scary."

Very interesting how it breaks down like this. Can it be assumed that everyone in Group 2 and most of Group 3 was abused as a child and will not only never marry but also become serial killers? Probably.

Can it be assumed that everyone in Group 1 will have long lives full of love and joy and joyness, and also probably be the next president of the United States? Definitely.

So I guess the lesson here--if there is a lesson--and maybe there isn't a lesson, because maybe this is more of a "I hope you've learned your lesson" kind of thing than a thing that's like, "Today's lesson is entitled Tolstoy VS. Dosteyvsky: Not In Literature, But In Basketball" kind of thing--I guess with all that considered, and taken into account, and if there is a lesson at all, in light of the points I just made, then I guess the lesson here would be, never try to do anything nice or fun for anyone, because there are 3 people in this country who will think it's creepy.

[Taylor]

SITE OF THE WEEK!!!!!

www.relientk.com

(clean)